


The Feeling of Home

by TellMyLegacy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon Rewrite, Falling In Love, God uses pronouns "they", Home, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Canon, True Love, everything in parentheses are my thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 06:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11030679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMyLegacy/pseuds/TellMyLegacy
Summary: The true story began with a man who had no faith, and an angel who made him believe.The love between the Angel and the Hunter was never written. Their love was never meant to be. But it was all just a choice.A choice that changed everything.Here is the story of two souls who were always together, even before they existed.





	1. Prologue: The Beginning (The In/Between of Creation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And if you feel that you can't go on   
> And your will's sinkin' low   
> Just believe and you can't go wrong   
> In the light you will find the road.  
> You will find the road"  
> -Led Zeppelin, In The Light

The true story began with a man who had no faith, and an angel who made him believe.

The moment their eyes met, a cloudy sky meeting the purest grass, they both felt the undeniable connection similar to a thin thread of rope uniting them both (but really, this connection was made long before that). Their lives merged together as the ages flew, and slowly the thread became indestructible. So much that not even God predicted this outcome.

Of course, the true story began with the Angel of Thursday and the Righteous Man. But there was someone, a creator, who had specific reasons for this intricate story.

The Creator stood soon after finishing the war with the only family they had. But of course, the concept of “family” had not yet been created, it didn’t need to be created, it was somehow always there. Just like another feeling, a  _ choice  _ that had always existed.

A choice that caused thousands of empires to fall, and a thousand more to be created. A choice that brought the strongest men to the ground, and gave strength to the weakest. A choice that will always continue to change the outcome of the story. A choice that could never be predicted.

But this choice had not been discovered.

Soon. But not yet.

(The first one to come across this choice was the Creator itself, but they chose to ignore the feeling of  _ love  _ for their sister, their only family, as they sacrificed her dark for their light.) (But was it all really worth it?)

The Creator knew everything of the future, and they felt the guilt as they saw the wars and endless pain that their children will face. They saw the first apocalypse, the revolution of humankind, the End. So, as they pondered upon the series of events that will undoubtedly happen, they decided to write a new world.

A world saved by two brothers, an old drunk, and a fallen angel. This was going to be their swan song.

The Creator finished the story, but there was something...off. They re-read the plot, analyzed the deepest symbols, and brought to life the darkest monsters. But something there was something missing. So they left the draft of the greatest story just sit there, waiting to be perfected into a magnificent script for a world-wide famous narrative. But not a single story is perfect, so they let it be, and the story kept its flaws and imperfections that made it  _ real _ . 

And the Creator sat back on their chair, and watched as everything began to unravel.

The love between the Angel and the Hunter was never written. Their love was never meant to be. But it was all just a choice.

A choice that changed everything.

Here is the story of two souls who were always together, even before they existed.


	2. The Angel Destined To Fall

Angels were not supposed to question their fate, Castiel knew that since the moment he was born.

Everything began when he heard the stories from other angels, about the species in the planet earth called humans. He heard stories about how they watched humankind, and wondered just how beautiful it would be to feel like them.

Castiel can remember the day he was created, and how everything around him was a wonder.

He remembers opening his sense of sight, and watching the curators as they inspected this new fledgling. He remembers hearing the passive lull of enochian as angels spoke all around him, soft whispers that flowed through his very grace. He remembers the feeling of expanding his wings for the first time, and the rush of flying through all of heaven, exploring everything at once. He remembers the single name pulsing through his mind, the first word that appeared the moment he was created. CASTIEL.

Of course, as a celestial being, he is able to remember every moment that has occurred since the beginning of his lifetime. Being one of the youngest Seraphs, though, means that he does not completely understand what his brothers and sisters say when they mention the times before humankind. Usually, when he was younger, he would express his confusion, and the other angels would simply give him hurried explanations that would leave him off with more questions to begin with.

That’s when he decided to simply stay in the sidelines, quiet and calculating, waiting for orders to follow.

Staying in the sidelines was not his favorite thing to do, Castiel had to admit that. However, the young angel was able to learn more about the world through observations than receiving indirect answers. And so, Castiel would simply listen to others as the commanders of Garrisons spewed orders left and right. He admired those angels, the leaders who could get everyone to cling to their every word spoken through their commanding voices. 

But, Castiel would also listen to the soft blessings of the Virtues, the Angels of Grace who had the duty of roaming Earth and protect the humans. And as an angel, there was no such thing as feelings or emotions. To him, only humans had the gift of feeling. And only some chosen angels had the opportunity of watching this wonder. And Castiel, though he tried to deny it, felt something akin to  _ want  _ for the privilege that his sisters and brothers had for watching the humans and their emotions.

Castiel knew that he should not be feeling any of this. He knew that if anyone else found out, they would send him through with Naomi. And he wanted everything but that. So he hid these ideas, and when the day to chose his mission came along, he chose to join a Garrison, where he would never be allowed to walk among the humans. He knew that this was the best choice (more like his only choice), and as his time in the Garrison grew, he began to grow in position. But still, he continued to watch, enraptured, as humankind progressed and learned and made mistakes and passed away. But the cycle began again. And Castiel would begin to wonder again.

Everything came to a halting realization (for Castiel, though he already knew, deep inside) when Anael approached him, her wings fluttering rapidly, her face stoic but her eyes conflicted.

“Brother. May I speak to you for a moment?” She spoke, softly. Her eyes were ranking from left to right, as if looking for someone. He felt the nervousness radiating from her grace, as well as pure determination.

This only confused him more, since Anael was one of the only angels who actually treated Castiel like an equal since the beginning. He remembered very clearly his first day roaming the paths of Heaven, and how Anael had approached him with a wide smile, and taught him about his new home (though it wasn’t his  _ real  _ home. Just his first idea of the place where he is supposed to belong). “Of course, sister.”

She lead him to a parted area, near Eden but away from the guards outside the gates. From here, the view of Earth was splendid, simply mesmerizing. Anael had a small smile as she watched the tenderness flowing from within her brother as he watched humankind. She was aware that he was trying to hide these feelings from the others, but she understood him more than he knew. And because of this, Castiel was going to be the only one she would tell about her future.

The pair of angels watched for a moment the humans below them, admiring their delicate lives. And that’s another thing that made Castiel appreciate his father’s creation even more- they were so fragile. Their lives could end at any moment, but they still chose to undergo all the pain and sorrow of being human. It made Castiel think about how different everything would be if angels had these feelings. He imagined that this is why Nephilims are such an abomination, they have the grace of an angel combined with the emotions of humans. 

Anael spoke silently, breaking their gazing, “Brother, I have something to say.”

Castiel turned towards his sister, watching her with his eyes, but she felt that a part of him would always be with the humans. “Sister, what is bothering your mind? You know that I will not harm you in any way.”

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, to compose herself. She decided to go straight to the point, “Castiel, I’m thinking about Falling.”

Silence loomed over both of them, a tense and fragile lack of words that made Anael question if she did the correct thing in telling her brother. Finally, as she started to make her way to stand up and leave, Castiel merely asked, “Why?”

She expected his voice to be full of wrath, perhaps a sense of betrayment lingering. But nothing of that sort was there, and that completely surprised her. Instead, the only thing rolling from Castiel’s grace was curiosity, and if she felt closely enough, there was some admiration. She was honest when she answered, “I have never felt like I truly belong here, Castiel. Every moment of my existence, I have wondered about how life would be with humans instead of this constant war as an angel. You should know how this feels, don’t you, brother?”

Anael knew that she was pushing Castiel too far by questioning him, but she needed reassurance, she needed to know that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way. But her brother stayed quiet, and that was all the answer she needed, and he knew that too. 

She stood from Castiel’s side, reaching with her wings to touch her brother’s, the most intimate form of connection between angels. When they touched, the two angels closed their eyes, and relished on what would be the last time they saw each other (unknowingly to them, they would meet again, in future years, but nothing would be the same). 

Anael pulled away, smiled at her brother, and whispered gently, “Goodbye, Castiel.”

She flew away from him, and Castiel could only watch as his dearest sister did what he has wanted since the second he was born, but isn’t brave enough to do.

Heaven has no day or night or a way of measuring time, none of the angels think it’s necessary. This is one of the little things that makes Castiel realize just how different humans are from angels, one of the small perks that comes from being mortal. These little things make him feel closer to humankind, which is why he measures time the same way that humans do.

Not even a second had passed before all of Heaven felt the Fall of one of their own.

The young seraph saw all of this unfold before his very own eyes. He saw how the angels began to look for an explanation as to why a celestial being would join the filthy mortals down in Earth. He walked towards the center of Heaven, near the choir of the angels, when he felt the presence of his commander, Uriel, behind him.

“Castiel,” the young angel turned around to face his leader, “you wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, would you?”

Castiel looked towards Earth, noticing its beautiful fragility under the sunlight. And many, many years later, a beautiful man would look straight at Castiel with eyes shining with fierceness and passion, the pure embodiment of humanity, and tell him, “you made an exception, for me.”

And the angel would not be sure how to answer, so he simply responded with honesty. “You’re different.”

This story revolves around choices and free will, but right now, Castiel does not comprehend the true meaning of either of those things. But he will, in the future. 

And even though he has yet to come across the choice (between heaven or humanity), he had already decided even before he understood.

“No,” he answered Uriel, his eyes reflecting a false honesty as he looks straight into the eyes of his commander, “I don’t know anything.”

Uriel looked at him, then shook his head almost incredulously. He muttered under his breath as he flew away, “such a pity.”

Castiel simply continued to stare in the privacy of his mind towards the place where now a fallen angel would roam the streets.

He pushed away all of the thoughts roaming his mind (which he would later learn were the key to feelings), and flew away.

(But Anael would later be joined by another angel, one who had fallen in every way imaginable).


End file.
